I've decided what to be should I ever be allowed my time again on this earth. I want to be a dragon on "Dragon's Den".
Until recently I wanted to be a banker, in that no matter how stupid, greedy or idiotic I was my business was "too big to fail" and therefore my job (and large bonuses) would be secure for ever. But it didn't really give the opportunities for creative nastiness and acclaim that being a dragon on Dragon's Den seems to offer.
If you've not seen the program the format is that hapless entrepreneurs are given a chance to pitch their ideas in front of a bunch of rich people (the dragons) who can either enjoy themselves by mercilessly insulting everything in sight or enjoy themselves by backing the idea with some of their (to them) small change and walking away with a substantial profit if things work out.
I used to quite like the program, in that it seemed to me that it did provide a way that genuinely innovative people could get backing for ideas that otherwise might not see the light of day. But that was before it became big television. One of the laws of physics is that you can't measure something without affecting it in some way. TV shows are like that. Once they become popular they become an end in themselves and their original starting point becomes lost in the mist of ratings.
Nowadays the dragons have figured out that anything on the program has the benefit of a five minute prime time advertisement and is therefore worth backing on that basis. Furthermore, the pitchers have also figured out that appearing on the program (regardless of whether or not you actually make anything worthy) gives you a change to get on TV. Last week the only two ideas that got backing were a fairly indifferent rock band and a company which will provide you with a person dressed as a tree for a large fee. And these days only one of the dragons actually seems to be involved in making anything. The others are involved in things like "retail", "services" and "investment".
This week a fashion designer took full advantage of the platform to promote her (to me) sub-Primark dresses and of course one of the dragons jumped in to back her because even if only a few percent of viewers go for the outfits they are on to a winner. And the "as seen on TV Dragon's Den" label will go a long way. And of course they all had a bit of fun raining on the parades of other's hopes and dreams and competing with themselves for the most offensive bon-mots that they could heap on the hapless punters.
I quite like the idea of being rich, appearing on TV as some kind of demi-god and being given the chance to be as offensive as I like in front of the cameras. So sign me up.