No More Shorts

I'm getting some made....

That does it. I'm starting a new campaign. I've seen things at work over the last couple of weeks which would have driven a lesser man to madness and worse. This has got to stop. Fortunately the weather has been kind to us for the last day or so, with a fall in temperature ridding the coffee room with some of the more horrid apparitions. But I'm not taking any more chances. It stops now, and it stops here.

I'm talking about the practice of wearing shorts to work. If your job is a footballer, or some other sporting profession then shorts are fine. But once you come off the playing field the shorts should replaced by proper slacks.  There is probably a Geneva Convention or something about things like this. And if there isn't, there should be. Sign up now. Banish those knees.

The Letter K

Maureen Lipman (great actress, wonderful writer and born in Hull) wrote in her column in the paper today that Neil Simon (famous playwright) reckons only words with a K in them are funny. Apparently chicken is funny, whilst tomato is not. I told number one wife about this.

"But cheese is funny" she said.

I could not have put it better myself. Case closed.

Bin Boggled

The kitchen bin has broken. (actually it broke a long time ago, it is just that the first time it broke it was brand new, and we didn't have the heart to replace it). However, now it is properly, as in more than one piece, broken. This poses two problems.

1. We now have to obtain a new bin. Particularly difficult as properly working bins seem very hard to get hold of these days. The ones in ASDA were pre-broken, and I've yet to find a design which I think is solid enough for my lot.
2. How do you throw away the old dusbin?

Profound Questions in York

I wanted a go in a red boat. But nobody else did. Wah.

We went to York today. There were rumours (nay, legends) that a branch of "The Only Place In The Country Where Rob Can Buy Things That Fit 'Cos He Is Tall (tm)" had reopened in the city. And was having a sale. Wowee.

We turned up at ten past ten to a shop full of "Sale signs" which was locked with an iron gate. The notice on the side said "Open 10:00 on Saturdays". Such is life. After drink at Starbucks and a Rocky Road (which with hindsight was probably a bit risky, given my state of excitement I probably should not have sugar rich cakes) we went back and found that the shop was now open.  Nothing much for sale unfortunately, but I did get a couple of shirts. (it has just occurred to me that there is no reason for me to assume that you have any interest in the fact that I bought two shirts today - but remember that you are hear for the kwality of the riting. Oh yes).

Anyhoo, then we went walkabout around York. Profound questions abounded. The York Psychic museum had a number on the door you could call to arrange a meeting.  Why? Surely they would be expecting you whatever time you turned up. And next to the roadsweeper was one of those things that helps you pick stuff up from the floor. A sort of remote hand thing. But it was lying on the floor. I do hope he has another one he can use to pick it up.

Maybe it's the heat.

Read all about it

Sometimes you come accross something which is so interesting that you just have to tell everyone else about it as soon as you can.  For example PressDisplay. This site has a wonderful interface that lets you read just about any newspaper from around the world. If you sign up for a demo you can get the papers free onto your PC for a week, after that it is around ten dollars a month for up to 31 issues, which is pretty good value if you are after reading the news from around the world. An interesting take on the way that electronic media is going.

Thunder and Lightning

We had something of a storm last night. A few days after I get my shiny new TV aerial on top of the house we have one of the biggest thunderstorms for ages. Most impressive. All the lights and all the sound effects. I couldn't do the old "count the time between the flash and the boom to find out how far away it is" because there were so many flashes and booms that I couldn't pair them up.

I didn't know whether to hide under the bed or go out and take photographs.  In the end I did nothing, which strikes me as a wise choice.

Adobe Updater needs your attention

I got another new toy today. Seems to be the season for deliveries and new toys. It is a Motion tablet PC and it is a tiny wonder. I'm going to use it in the labs for marking assessed work with handwritten comments and then uploading them back to Class Server. This is on the back of a Teaching Fellowship which I was awarded last year. (I'm going to set up a blog section all about it when I get round to it).

Anyhoo, the manuals are all on the machine itself, so I fire it up to read them. Of course they are in PDF format. I hate PDFs. Not because the format is a bad one, but because you have to use the Adobe reader to read the documents. This has one of the most malignant update managers I have ever seen. If it fancies doing an update one of its favourite tricks used to be to hide a dialogue box behind all the other programs asking about this, and then cause Internet Explorer to freeze until you realised what had happened and searched the thing out, or reset the machine out of sheer frustration.

Now it has a new trick. Because my machine is shiny new, the reader has two updates to perform. So it installs the first update, calls for a reset of the machine. And then installs the second update. Which also resets the machine.  People, this is a document reader. Not a security manager, missile launch code keeper, or deadly virus which if given free reign would destroy civilisation. Even windows update is nowadays quite reticent about rebooting your machine. And I'm kind of OK about windows doing reboots. It is an operating system. That's its job. But not a dratted document reader.

The good news is that eventually the updates completed and I was able to actually use the machine to read how the machine works.

Good Service and Fate

Sometimes one can be forgiven for assuming that the universe is actually out to get you. Then, every now and then, just sufficiently often to scotch the "out to get you" theory, things happen as they should do.

The only bad thing that happened on  Sunday was that the Oven Door exploded.  Fortunately it was my birthday, and pretty much nothing upsets me on my birthday, but it still left us with a pile of broken glass where it used to be, and no way of cooking anything much.

So yesterday I rang Cannon and asked about getting a replacement sent through.  This morning a big parcel arrived. Addressed to "Mr Yales", but we'll gloss over that. The good news is that it was exactly what I wanted,  and after a bit of wrangling with my trusty (and a bit rusty) philips screwdriver, we are back in the cooking busines.

And earlier today I needed to send my Jasjar back to Microsoft for some fettling (they are going to give me some new software to play with - which is nice). At ten past ten I rang DHL to arrange the pickup. At ten thirty the man was in the office waiting for the parcel. Apparently he was on campus in the post room and so just ambled over to pick up the box - before I'd even finished putting the label on. Amazing stuff.

There are two possible ways to explain this:

1. The universe actually is out to get me, but is lulling me into a false sense of security for now.
2. The universe is not really out to get me at all, but just doesn't care. I just put whatever interpretation I like on what happens, depending on how things are going at the moment.

I was just putting the finishing touches to this missive, when I found I'd just spilled a whole glass of water all over my desk. Read into that whatever you like. I'm off to get a cloth.

Health Check

Have I mentioned that I'm off to India for the Imagine Cup finals? Not in the last ten minutes Rob....

Anyhoo, I am.  And had my jabs. And apparently anti-malaria tablets are required too. I did some research on the interweb and it seems malaria is a really bad thing. From the description of what goes on when you get it pretty much everything bad happens except for your head exploding. So I need some tablets.

The tablets that look the best bet need a prescription. So off I go to the health centre for assistance.  We have a super health centre at Hull. You can just turn up and usually get seen by a nurse within minutes. So ten minutes after I arrive I go into consulting 1 to sort things out.

When they type my name in to the computer it flashes up red. Apparently I also need a health check. Something to do with my age.  So I tell the nurse my height, get weighed and have my blood pressure taken. Then the nurse asks "What about drinking?".  I saythat it is a bit early for me, but if she wants to have a slug that is fine by me.  She was of course asking about my drinking habits, which are fairly abstemious (although I am off to the pub tonight - pure coincidence). Then we cover smoking (which I get right this time), and finally I get my prescription. 

Happy Birthday Me

Thanks for the cards people, even the rude ones.

Bill Gates is  a rich bloke. In fact there must be lots of people with more money than me. I've even heard that there are some men who are better looking (never seen one, but you do hear stories).

Well, I hope all these richer and better looking people have birthdays as least half as good as the one I've just had. Perfect weather, family and friends round, BBQ in garden, Apples to Apples to finish off. The best times. Thanks for coming people.

Number one daughter got me this fan you can program to display important messages. And I got a flying saucer.

Free Drinks Coasters

Free. Once in a lifetime offer. This tasteful set of matching drinks coasters will enliven any party or social occasion. Emblazoned with "MR DVD 8X Write speed" on one side and a spiral motif on the other which ends at EXACTLY THE SAME PLACE on all four disks these precision made coasters are also fitted with a central ventilation hole which provides for smooth airflow around the beverage placed thereon.

This is hopefully a limited offer, although given the performance of my Nero software and new DVD burner it could well the the start of a long production run for these special and decreasingly unique items.

Let me know if you want them.

Panda to your every whim

Some of my friends are a bit mad (well duh?). Others might be.

Rory, well, you be the judge. I've only met him a couple of times and in person he is one of the most level headed, professional and sensible people you could happen across. But put him in charge of a web site and really strange things happen. Really strange. His blog is well written and well weird.  And now he has made this Panda thing, which takes strange to a new level and then adds strangeness. I really have no idea what is going on. But I quite like it.  And you might too. Leave your sensibilities at the door and take a look.

Webcasts and Free Food

Yes, it really is Hull centre...

I did my third webcast tonight. You can find the gory details here. After that we all went up town for a meal with the Microsoft Imagine Cup team. You would think that living in Hull for 30 odd years would mean that I would find the restaurant easily. No such luck. And proceedings weren't helped by the lady in the SatNav being totally unable to plot a route to our destination. Anyhoo, once we hooked up with the rest of the gang a great time was had by all. And Hull centre looked splendid.

Retail Therapy with Rats

Ratty (not an original name - but there you go)

Took a day off work today to go to Leeds to do some shopping. Not got anything special in mind, or any desire to buy any clothes (which is just as well in my case). Anyhoo, we went to "The Only Place In The Country Where Rob Can Buy Things That Fit 'Cos He Is Tall (tm)" shop and took a look at all the stuff that we wouldn't like to buy even if we could afford it.  They even had a jacket with specially shortened sleeves. Clever.

On the way out, having bought nothing, I picked up a catalogue. This had lots of pictures of soulful tall people lounging on a beach, including one chap who was playing the bongos in a dodgy hoody. Nuff said.

So we went to IKEA and bought two rats and a shower curtain. Much more fun. And they do meatballs in the cafe.

Degree on Sea

Can you find yourself here? (a bigger version is in the pictures section)

Went up to Scarborough today to do the degree thing. What a day. Magnificent weather and a great bunch of students. Very nice.

Sun, sea, sand, sky and Scarborough

The Uncertain Voice of Rob

At least when you get up early you get some nice pictures. A full size image is in my pictures directory.

Went up town first thing this morning to do a paper review thing for the local BBC station. Oh the things I do in my continuous quest for fame and fortune. It seemed to go OK, even though I'd only prepared three items and the presenter asked me, live on air, for my fourth one. Ho hum. At least it got me into the office early.

Finding Laura

I did a degree ceremony today. By "did" I mean acted as graduand's marshal. This involves telling everyone what to do at the start and then getting the students who have not got their degrees yet (called graduands) down to the stage so that they can go and get their degrees and become graduates.

It is great fun. We use City Hall and, although it can get a bit hot, there is always a fantastic atmosphere in amongst the nervousness.

Today things went OK. Except for one thing. I lost Laura. One of the jobs that I have to do is "slot in" people who register late. This means that they don't have a seat in the main hall, and so they sit down the front, next to me, and it is my job to put them in line in the right place so that they can get their degrees along with all the rest. Laura was one of the students I was due to slot in during the presentations. Things were going well as I fetched down the row into which Laura was due to be placed so I asked her to stand up and get ready to go. Unfortunately I then made a fatal mistake. I looked the other way to see how the queue was going. When I looked back Laura had melted into a sea of students wearing gowns.

Now, put a gown and hat on a bunch of people and they all look rather similar. Add to that my atrocious memory for faces and you have trouble. So I had to start asking people "Are you Laura?" to try and find the right person. 

Unfortunately, people who are coming down for their degrees are not actually in a fit state to answer such questions. They are usually concentrating on remembering who they are so that they can walk across the stage at the right time, worrying about curtsying, and generally being a bag of nerves.

I've actually done the graduation thing  as a student myself, and all this is quite normal. So when a graduand has someone towering over them asking "Are you Laura?" they immediately think "I'm not sure? Should I be? Why does he want to know?". Panic ensues. Two of the blokes in the queue told me that yes, they were Laura.  This baffled me, and we were just entering a downward spiral of confusion when I spotted her and ushered her into the right place. Just in time.  I don't think anyone noticed. And Laura went across the stage just fine.

Shaky Hands..

I'm going to claim I was going for an artistic effect...

I was down in City Hall again today doing my degree warmup thing. Warmup is a bit of an understatement, it was like an oven in there during the afternoon. I took a picture of "my lot" in the audience. Unfortunately I forgot to hold the camera still. I know I wasn't shaking from the cold....

Upstaged by a dog...

Did the final Ace lecture today. Another splendid bunch of students and a good time had by all.

Danni warms up the audience...

Digby the digital dog drives them wild.

I don't know. You spend forty minutes showing off amazing technology, telling wonderfull jokes and so on. Then Digby comes on and kicks a ball and the crowd goes wild!

Anyway, it was great fun. I've put a little page together for those of you what want to have a go at the programming side of things. You can get the program I was writing from here. And you can find out about starting to program here.

Too hot to post..

It is just too hot and sticky to post blogs at the moment. My room here is like an oven and even the fan (which was cheap from Tesco and sounds like a Jumbo Jet in an echo chamber) doesn't make things much better.

So I'm not going to post tonight. Except that I just have. So this whole blog thing has just not worked at all today.

I hate this weather.