Comedy script idea

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Scene: A single performer on the stage, sitting at a large bench with a magnifying class and assorted small tools. The performer speaks:

“And now we move on to the Casio CA-500WE-1AEF which combines an 8 digit calculator with timekeeping functions. It uses a single CR2016 lithium coin cell which we can access by removing four 1mm screws found in the back of the case…”

The camera pulls back to reveal an audience of spectators staring earnestly at the performer. The camera continues to move backwards away from the stage, backwards through a corridor, into the foyer and then out through the front doors of the theatre onto the street where it lights on a sign that says…..

“Watch batteries replaced”

Italian for beginners

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Are you embarrassed by your lack of Italian skills? Having bother telling your pancetta from your pana cotta. I present to your this handy way of remembering, and retaining your continental cooking cred.

  • pana cotta: babies sleep in cots, and they like drinking milk. So this is the creamy desert.

  • pancetta: cheetahs like to chase pigs, so this is the one that is a bit like bacon.

  • panettoni: Tony likes eating cake, so this is the one which is like cake

You’re welcome.

A talent for self-sabotage II

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I had a very nice email from someone who asked about my talent for self sabotage and offered me a collaboration opportunity on my blog. I was very flattered, but I fear for anyone who wants to formally associate with someone who makes posts like this:

“Officer, I’ve just been attacked by an enormous camera which beat me up and stole all my money”
“Oh dear, I think it must be one of those new 20 mugger pixel models…”

Discarded wit

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I’m writing some stuff about creating your own programming language at the moment. As I write I find things that I quite like, but aren’t really suitable for publication. Good thing I’ve got the blog then….

  • Bottom-up design: Start with the low level functions and build on them.

  • Bottoms-up design: Start by getting very drunk and writing some random code

  • Bottom-down design: Just get more and more depressed about what you are trying to do

  • Bottom-out design: Hope that things won’t get any worse.

  • Top-down design: start with the big picture and then break it down into chunks to build a map of your solution. Then create each chunk.

  • Top-up design: find a coffee place that does free refills and then keep drinking caffeine until inspiration strikes or you have a seizure.

  • Top-trumps design: forget about writing software and spend your time playing card games from your childhood.