Sorry about this

I was gardening today. As you do. Got to thinking about the mad scientist who tried to clone himself. He used a new technique, where you start at the top of the body and work your way down. Everything was going fine until he'd just finished the neck, but when he tried to do the shoulders it all went wrong, with arms and legs in all the wrong places. Ugh. He turned to his assistant and said.....wait for it....

"I knew I should have quit when I was a head".

Caution Horses

So, we're driving back down the motorway on Sunday and we pass a huge van with the above message on the back. 

For a moment I had this vision of a the van containing a pair of specially trained equines who turn up when you do something stupid and say things like "Just this once, we'll let you off. But if you'd better not do it again". 

After some discussion we decided that it could also be an instruction to pull into the next field and tell the occupants not to eat grass like that, or whatever. 

Fun with Dancing on Ice


I was watching “Dancing On Ice” tonight (or at least it was on in the kitchen when we were having tea). I had a great idea. They could give the program a whole new feel by adding a different prefix to the last word each week:

  • “Dancing on Rice” – dancing and cooking. Contestants slide around on a bed of rice while preparing a nice chilli con carne to go with it.
  • “Dancing on Mice” – not real mice, of course, but computer ones. Contestants have computer mice fitted to their feet and must navigate a Word document and correct spelling errors whilst executing a triple axle (whatever that is).
  • “Dancing on Price” – the contestants must find the cheapest ice rink in the country and then dance there using skates they’ve made themselves from trainers and old breadknives held together with second hand gaffer tape.
  • “Dancing on Lice” – ugh. An “I’m a Celebrity” jungle feel where they must dance on horrible insects without the aid of hairnets. Extra marks for those moves where they spin round with their head inches above the floor.

Remember, you heard it here first.