Satellite Navigation for Higher Blood Pressure

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If they ever need a way to boost my blood pressure all they have to do is give me some software to play with. We've been using the Navicore sat-nav in the Nokia 770 quite successfully for the last week. I like it because it is mostly correct, only crashes every now and then, can find most places and the lady's voice is wonderful. She just sounds so perky all the time, even when asking you to turn right across three lanes of busy traffic. And sometimes she says "Tada!" when you arrive at the destination. Anyhoo, I thought I'd install the upgrades, because there are supposed to be some even better voices there. And the new version might be able to locate Hereford.

The Navicore upgrade experience is kind of strange. You run a program which opens a browser window which does things up until the point where IE crashes and you lose the lot. Then you find the program doesn't work any more. So you do it all again and it tells you that the software is upgraded and ready to go.  Which of course it isn't. Then you re-install from the DVD and try again. Third time you notice the message about re-installing the upgrade on the device  once you've installed it (if you see what I mean). So you do the upgrade again, re-install it, and then find it still doesn't work. So you email customer support and put the original back on from the DVD. By now you are viewing everything through a red mist and figure that it is probably time to go off and do something else.....

Back in Hull

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And so I am back home. I love the way that as you get closer to Hull the roads get that bit quieter, and the traffic reports of jams around the rest of the country have less and less meaning. And now I have my nice fast broadband connection (rather than climbing a hill, holding the phone above my head and waiting for a single bar of signal to appear).

But the holiday was fun though. I bought a Ferrari for five pounds. It turned out to only have three wheels, but I have plans to stick the missing one back on. I saw some stunning art, had a conversation with a horse (although it was a bit one-sided) and met up with the oracle pig again. Who turns out to be called Esmerelda. I also read some exciting books, one even had pictures in. Of which more later.

Oh, and I took the camera.

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What a pity that mobile tower isn't my carrier.....

Normal Service

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You may have noticed a slight dip in the quality of my blog this week while I have been away on my so called holidays. The posting have in fact been made by the 'QuipMaster 3000', a program that uses advanced artificial intelligence and third generation humour algorthms to produce output almost indistinguishable from a 1970s episode of the Ken Dodd show. All this will change tomorrow, when I return and fire up the 'Blogmaster 6000' again....

Reverse Burglary in London Town

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Took number one daughter to London today, where she is going to continue her studies. We had a car which was pretty much full of stuff. Parking was a bit restricted, so I stopped the car on someone's garden path and we executed what can only be described as a "reverse burglary", where the contents of the car were transferred into the flat at record speed.

Then, after a trip to Tesco and an impromptu TV purchase it was back to Hull.

Wild Hogs - A Warning

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It has come to my attention that some shops are stocking DVDs of the "film" Wild Hogs. It might be that people are mistakenly buying them for entertainment purposes, bearing in mind that they are being placed in the entertainment sections of some stores.

Do not buy this film. It is not nice. It manages to be offensive, unoriginal and unfunny in equal measure. I made the mistake of watching it on a 12 hour flight. You might think that in such a situation pretty much anything is preferable to sitting staring at the hands on your watch as they go round much too slowly. This is not true. I would much rather stare at my SPOT watch than this film. In fact I would rather stare at my spots than this film. I only watched it to the end as some kind of bet with myself. Which I lost.

Sewerby Park Bank Holiday

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We are becoming creatures of habit. Perhaps it's our age. Anyhoo, just like last year we went off to a place near Bridlington, Sewerby Park. It is a big country house, with lovely grounds, just by the side of the sea. There is a tiny zoo, pitch and putt golf and some wonderful walled gardens.If you live in the area you should/must go there. Just like last time they were doing Roman re-enactments. Just like last time I took my camera.

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Any parent will be familiar with this domestic scene.

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Add your own caption here

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My money is on the blokes on the horses

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They can do gardening here. Oh yes.

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Butterfly

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Boat

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Bridlington bay

Stranger than Fiction

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If you want to see a quirky, life affirming film that features one of the coolest watches that I've ever seen (but which you probably can't buy) then get hold of a copy of "Stranger than Fiction".  I picked it up on a "semi-whim" when we were out shopping today and we watched it tonight. It is a super little movie. I'd heard good things about it but not got around to seeing it, so when our local supermarket had a copy cheap I was happy to pick one up.

It is a neat romantic comedy/drama thing built around a very clever premise. If you've ever thought your life belonged in a book, then this film is for you.

Dirty Fun

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I've only just got around to playing Colin Mcrae, "Dirt" on my Xbox 360. I got it for my birthday ages ago (at least it seems ages ago) and I've been too busy with other things to have a go. But tonight I put aside a couple of hours for fun (it is Saturday after all) and fired it up.

I love it.

I've not been that keen on Colin Mcrae games in the past because they seemed too focused on technical accuracy and genuine handling for me. (translation: I crashed all the time). But the new one seems to have toned down real life to a level I can cope with, albeit at rookie level, and I think it is great.

I had a go at the truck racing stuff, which seems to have taken several leafs, nay perhaps a whole bunch of chapters, from the PS3 Motorstorm game. It has the same bouncy handling, insane opponents and funky vehicles, but without the charm or sheer improbability of the tracks, which all look a bit dull to me.

But the proper rally championship is another matter. Me and my little Clio have been tearing up a storm, hurtling through very impressive looking locations in the UK, Italy and Germany. The handling is just right, very believable but sensibly forgiving. And the bonnet cam view is wonderful, until you go off the road onto the verge, where I found myself flinching as foot high plants smashed towards my face.  One of the best features is the co-driver who calls out instructions as you hurtle towards the next blind jump. Once I'd learnt the grading scheme (the smaller the number the nastier the curve - get that the wrong way round like I did at first and things can get very frightening) he really helped me get the car into position for the next part of the course.

And it was nice to have a rumbly gamepad for a change. For a variety of technical and legal reasons Sony left this out of the PS3 and I see it as a huge omission. Nothing brings home just how hard you've just hit that tree like a controller that suddenly tries to leap out of your hands. I notice from the instructions that Dirt also supports the Xbox force feedback steering wheel, which is looking very tempting.....

Until now I'd regarded the rally mode of Gran Turismo as the ultimate in off road driving fun, but Dirt, with its superior graphics and greater variety, is the new rally king.

Dental Imagination

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Went for a check up at the dentist this afternoon. It was slightly enlivened by the fact that I needed to have a couple of X-Rays. And one of them didn't work. So they had to ask me in to take another. The good news is that the second one turned out fine. The bad news is that I have an overactive imagination:

Dental Nurse: "So there's no doubt at all then?"
Dentist: "I'm afraid not. The second X-Ray was quite conclusive."
Dental Nurse: (shudder)"So, how long before it breaks out of his tooth and eats his brain?"
Dentist:"A month, maybe two if he's lucky."
Dental Nurse: (looking over at me in the waiting room, where I'm trying to look relaxed whilst reading a two year old copy of "Top Gear" magazine) "But he seems so young...."
Dentist:"It's better he doesn't know..."

Elite Beat Agents

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I like silly things. Always have. And the more out and out daft that they are, the better it is for me. Elite Beat Agents for the Nintendo DS is definitely silly. We are talking "FBI style agents with big hair solving problems through history by the use of dance" (including helping someone who looks suspiciously like Leonardo da Vinci get the Mona Lisa). Deeply silly and perhaps a bit strange too.

You control the game with the stylus, using it to tap out beats, follow notes and twirl things around. The action takes place via a sequence of little stories, each of which is illustrated by animated cartoon sequences. There is no reason on earth why any of this should work. But it does.

If you think that video games are designed by percentage players, who use focus groups and cunning market analysis to decide what will sell and what won't, then Elite Beat Agents will come as a bit of a surprise. There is no way that something like this could have come about in that way. Sega must have just locked a bunch of programmers in a room with an X-Files DVD, a pile of manga comics, a copy of Parappa the Rapper and a children's encyclopedia.

 If you like silly games, this is for you.