The Simpsons Programme

For some time our bathroom has had two sets of scales in it that we use to keep track of our weight. We had a "happy" set and a "sad" set. The happy set gave you a value which was two stones lighter than the sad one. The idea was that you used the set of scales according to your mood. If you were feeling unaccountably happy, you could use the sad set to normalise this. If you were feeling particularly fragile you could use the happy set.

However, as part of a controlled weight loss programme (which everybody seems to be starting at this time of year) this approach does not work terribly well. So last week we bought a third set of scales which we were going to call "the arbiter". The hope was that they would give a weight which was the average of happy and sad. Unfortunately they promptly agreed with the sad ones, so we threw the old scales in the bin and now we are permanently sad. And heavier than we hoped we were.

In response I'm about to start an exercise progamme which I'm going to call the "Simpsons Programme". Every day I'm going to exercise for the length of a Simpsons episode. I'm going to work my way through each series and see what happens to my physique. Number one son reckoned that I could move up to programmes with longer episodes as I get fitter. So I could go on to the "Dr. Who", and then the "Ally McBeal" and finally the "Lord of the Rings Return of the King Extended Edition" programme. Which would probably kill me.